Fauske, 2nd of August 2019, 12 AM

I’m in Fauske, is about 120 km from Narvik. Yesterday I solved my restlessness by waiting until six o’clock pm when Inger has come back.

She told me that there weren’t any trains that goes from Narvik to the south of Norwegian, and that if I wanted to do so I had to take a bus to Fauske and then from there the train to Trondheim.

As proved before she was very kind to me and she called a friend of hers that could come and get as a lift to Narvik, where she lives.

This friend of hers was a man, around my father’s age, a very interesting person, a true northern norwegian! As Inger, he was very open and interested in everything I had to say about Autism and my trip.

He took a longer way to make me see the landscape of Narvik and at some point I screamed “Eccolo!” (there it is, in italian). On the side of the street stood a beautiful female moose up to eating slowly the grass around her. 

My heart was beating fast and I felt like that was one of those moments that mark oneself.

She continued to eat and than, with nonchalance, she crossed the street, look at us while still chewing and then kept following her path.

We look at each other, both deeply moved and then the only thing I could say was “Thank you for this present”.

I more encounter with the wild life today; while I was on the ferry I saw a glimt of a couple of delfine, but what really struck me of the couple of eagles that flew over the fjord.

In these moments I really think that is worth giving up everything and go. At the same time I can’t stop phylosofing about the concept of travel and home: why do we travel? What keeps us going forward?and then what is home? What is that makes us stop?

Everybody keeps asking me where I come from and where is home, I keep answering that I don’t know, I don’t remember. I know where my parents live, where my boyfriend live but I…I AM having a deep existential crisis and I would like to find the answer to all this. So long I have only more and more questions.

So many details are hammering my mind: the smell of Luleås air, exactly like Bergens air almost ten years ago, the tunnel in the mountain in Norge that my mother would have loved, the colours of the light on the bus to Fauske that made me miss my loved one.

It’s one o’clock pm now, me train leaves in nine hours. And no, there’s not much to do here.

6 AM

Four hours to go.

I’m bored and when I’m bored I get sad and see everything blue. I’ve listened to many songs, I realised I have a lot that talks about travel, leaving or in general moving on to something else.

I started my journey five days ago and I already feel like I’ve been away for several weeks, but how can one be away if there is no home to go back to? I took the very drastic choice to leave everything behind me, I sold what I could and donated the rest. What I own now is my memories and my backpack.

What is better “One for himself and God for all” or “all for one and one for all”?

All around me I hear people telling me that being self sustained and independent  is a very precious thing and that one must protect it at any cost. To work and being economically independent is at the base of this society and blablabla…to be honest I’m getting tired of this kind of mentality. I don’t say it is wrong but it’s tiring.

The fact is, at this point, that I don’t know why I’m traveling, is it for the joy of exploring and get inspiration for my writing or is it because I was suffocating in Örebro and I needed to run away? Probably both, I’d like to find an answer to this question before I decide where to go next.

The only thing I know is that (if it is not canceled) I’ll take the next train to Trondheim and from there down to Oslo.

I don’t kwho why I can’t stop thinking about Nederland, is maybe my longed beach there waiting for me?


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